The Ups And Downs Of Parenthood, 2 Point 0
by TeaWriter
Summary: In a perfect world, Gideon's evil was overcome, Belle and Rumple made up, and we now settle down for some family bonding time. Or rather, Belle and Rumple get bizaaay, much to the mortification of their son.


A/N: Guys, I just need some Rumbelle; a pick-me-up, if you will. And if I can't get it from A&E, I'm going to write it up myself. Come along for the ride. :) P.S. For some reason the period in the title is not coming through so I've had to say "2 point 0" until I get this figured out. Bleh.

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Living in peace was a foreign concept to Belle. Or rather, the last time she had actually felt calm and relaxed was during their honeymoon, which seemed like several lifetimes ago. What suffering both she and Rumpelstiltskin had been through! Her wedding vows came to her in a torrent of thoughts, threatening to bring tears to her eyes as she remembered the sincerity in his eyes and the genuine love that surrounded both of them like a comforting blanket as Archie pronounced them husband and wife. Even her time at the Dark Castle had seen more calm evenings fireside, with a book in hand and Rumple spinning easily, compared to the recent stress the townspeople had whirled her and her husband up in. Yes, they were definitely overdue for some R&R. She sighed happily as she reveled in the soothing silence of their bedroom, and then yelped when her husband nipped at the shoulder he was currently bestowing kisses on.

"Am I losing you that quickly already, sweetheart?" Rumple murmured as he wrapped his arms gently around his wife's waist and peered down at her. Belle blushed as he caught her lost in thought.

"You're wonderful, Rum," she was quick to assure him, "I was just thinking about how incredible it is that no one is knocking down our door or demanding you mix up a potion or fix their messes for them. These kinds of moments are rare and I didn't realize how much I missed this… how much I've missed _you._ " She shyly fingered his collar with a smile. Rumple's echoing smile reflected the warmth in his eyes as he acknowledged the moment without words.

Indeed, Rumple mused, all of their fights, misunderstandings, and separation across realms and between themselves were a paltry thing of the past that he would gladly go through again if only it meant that it would result here in the present circumstances – resting in each other's arms and gaining back their child borne of True Love. That's not to say he was proud of the way things happened between him and Belle, but to have her light in his life would always be worth fighting for. He was only grateful she had also thought along those lines, even when they were apart.

"And now I've lost you," Belle joked, bringing him back to the present as she ran her fingers through his short hair. He hid his own blush by leaning down to slant his mouth over hers. Life was good, and right now he had a little wife to take care of.

Belle moaned into his mouth as her fingers deftly popped the buttons of his pristine plum dress shirt. Her hands helped slide the shirt off and then ventured down his abdomen, bringing Rumple to moan. "Oh, Belle!" He gasped, trying to focus on unhooking her bra as she tortured his throbbing member with her skillful hands. Her smirk soon dissolved into pants when he began to suckle her newly-naked breasts.

So caught up were they that the persistent knocking on their bedroom door went unheeded, until finally a frustrated Gideon took hold of the doorknob and burst into the room with a request on his lips that died a rapid death as he took in the scene.

"Mom!" Came the mortified gasp from their grown son.

Rumple's squeal would later be described as a "manly grunt of surprise" by the man himself, though the other witnesses would confirm otherwise. He grabbed the covers and pulled it around his body, exposing Belle in the process.

"Hey!" She frowned, snatching at the bedsheets with equal speed to reclaim her modesty.

"Whaa— What are you doing?" Gideon's look of horror made Rumple want to reorder time, erase his son's memories, and this time, lock the door. Unfortunately, he was out of crystal balls at the moment.

"We were just talking together and it got a little warm in here, so we took off some layers," Belle tried to maintain an air of confidence long enough to let Rumple's brain catch up with his sputtering mouth. _My poor boy, I suppose he wasn't really educated with the Black Fairy on what mummies and daddies do behind closed doors,_ Belle thought ruefully.

"Uh, son, why don't you head over to Granny's and enjoy the evening with the dwarves and the cricket?" Rumple suggested from the warmth of the goose down comforter, "I'll join you later after I've, uh, talked with your mother."

The confused and somewhat lost look her son gave them made Belle wish Rumple really could turn back time and give them those never-experienced growing-up years with their child. "Don't worry, Gideon, your father will explain everything when he arrives," she assured him.

"Okay," their son brightened up.

"I will?!" Rumple's voice broke, taking away the last bit of dignity he had.

"Yes, you will," Belle's firm tone squashed any hope he had of convincing her otherwise. Sensing the new level of tension in the room, Gideon quickly mumbled his goodbyes and closed the door. The couple heard their son's footsteps fade away hastily down the stairs and end with a slammed front door, bringing silence to the house once more.

"Well, I suggest you get dressed and ready to meet him at the diner," Belle sighed, trying not to laugh as Rumple turned terrified eyes toward her.

"I'm not going to go down there and talk to him about– a-about sex!" Rumple stammered petulantly. "Can't I just erase his memory?"

Belle rolled her eyes. "Darling, it's not going to be that hard." Rumple pouted, slouching further into his mound of covers. Belle tried again, "Just think about it: You never got to have this conversation with Baelfire. And even though Gideon's grown, there's still a lot he has to learn. It's a delicate subject but it will be much more meaningful coming from you. And in the future, it's something he knows he can come to you or me about because you were comfortable enough to bring it up in the first place."

"That's just it," Rumple groused, "'bringing it up' caused this whole mess to begin with."

"Rumpelstiltskin!" Belle admonished, "are you regretting having a child with me?!" Rumple realized his half-hearted jab at humor hadn't clicked and quickly backpedaled to amend his mistake.

"No, no, sweetheart, I don't mean I regret having a child with you! Truly I don't!" He reached out for her and leaned his head on her shoulder. "I guess it's just one of those scenarios I thought I'd never have to experience, being the Dark One and all… I'm sorry I hurt you." He felt the tension drain from her and she wrapped her arms around him gently.

"I know you didn't mean it, Rumple. It's just that… We've been given a second chance with our son. Maximize the time and take every opportunity we have to get to know him and teach him and love him," she finished with a quick kiss to his temple.

"How is it that you always end up being right, my dear Belle?" Rumple's gaze of adoration only lasted until the appearance of his wife's smirk brought back his cranky mood.

"I'll let you be right next time, my love," Belle winked.

"Cheeky…" He muttered affectionately as he looked around for his shirt and began to dress up. "Well I'll do my best, but if he hightails it out of Storybrooke I'm not going to be the one at fau— Why are you looking at me like that?" His fingers paused buttoning up his shirt when he noticed Belle biting her lip hungrily.

"I think you need to let Gideon hang out with the Charmings for the weekend, while you go inspect the cabin for annual repairs," her blue eyes smoldered as her husky voice washed over him and threatened to bring back his erection within seconds. His lips curved into an all-knowing smile.

"What a clever idea, sweetheart," he leaned over to kiss her promisingly. "I'll see what I can do."

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Author's Note: So I didn't put much thought into the plot, because as I said, I just needed a pick-me-up and this made me feel better. Hope it helped satisfy some of your Rumbelle cravings, too. Also, non-beta'd, so please forgive the grammatical errors. Additionally, I know woobie!Gideon is probably unlikely and out of character. After all, he was with the Black Fairy or in the realm of darkness for who knows how long, right? But again, indulge me. I was hungry and wanted Rumbelle family fluff and humor.


End file.
